Daisy 10 months

Fairy in the garden..

Personal Reflections

Rixa, over at Stand and Deliver is hosting a writing competition with the topic being: “Becoming a parent, becoming transformed.”

I thought this would be a good exercise for me and jotted it down one evening. Its not great – but I didn’t want to spend hours revising it, so I entered the raw product. Here it is:

“Becoming a parent, Becoming transformed”

With rosy ideas of having my own gorgeous baby asleep in her crib as I tiptoed out back to my evening of romance with my husband, I visited a friend with a new baby. This friend had managed to get her tiny daughter to sleep, and had joined us in the lounge only to hear the baby start wailing down the hall. Up she leapt and rushed down the hall to settle her. This happened several times throughout the evening. I rolled my eyes with all the know-how and self-importance of the childless and declared to my husband that “that baby would never learn to self settle if its mama kept coming at its every cry” and they were “making a rod for their own backs”. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and give myself a slap in the face!

Fast forward several years and I am the confused mother of baby girl. My baby is apparently “greedy” for wanting to feed more frequently than 3hrly. She is “manipulating us” for wanting help to fall asleep. We “might roll on top of her” when I finally listen to my instincts and take her to bed with me at 4 weeks of age, where, incidentally we both sleep better than we have since her birth. These are all things which were said to me as a vulnerable, new mother.

My darling baby, who took such comfort and delight in the safety of my arms and at my breast. According to the health visitors, friends and most mainstream baby books I was supposed to ignore her cues, watch the clock to see when to feed her, put her down in a cot to “talk” (code word for cry) herself to sleep and generally force her into a façade of independence from an age where clearly, independence is as ridiculous as asking a fish to ride a bicycle. The thing was – there were so many cases where this “worked”. Babies would adapt to their 4hr schedule. They would sleep all night from a young age. I struggled to continue parenting in the way I wanted to while faced with the possibility of getting a good nights’ sleep if I would only leave her to cry in a dark room for several nights in a row.

I turned to the computer. As a trained health professional I am interested in the evidence; the real truth about outcomes, based on scientific research. Increasingly I found more and more research to support that forced independence from a young age does not produce the best long term outcomes. Yes, some babies would give up hope of a parent returning, and learn to keep quiet all night long, but the stress hormones remained high in their brains. Yes, some babies would adapt to 4hr feeding schedules, but many also were hospitalized for failure to thrive on these strict routines. I found many more articles and studies to support listening to a babies cues, and responding to their needs promptly. Paradoxically it took hard nosed science to convince me to listen to my inbuilt, natural, mama-instinct. Sad but true.

I am now a confident mother of a 9month old. We bed-share, I breastfeed her on demand, and I believe in the value of her cries. Contrary to popular baby rearing books I haven’t got a “rod in my back” nor am burnt out and longsuffering in the face of meeting my “manipulative” daughter’s needs. On a bad night she will still wake two hourly to feed but I feel well rested in the mornings as she is only ever an arms reach away. I can tend to her needs whilst still half asleep. Despite my many hours of reading books and hunting the internet I only have one sentence of advice for anyone with a new baby. Feed her when she’s hungry and help her to sleep when she’s tired. It’s really that simple!

ok one more....

Oh I'm sorry..

..such a bad blogger. I do put a lot of pics on facebook though - you could add me..

a little late..

..Daisy's pregnancy video..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XneAbPHWu4Y

growing up fast!

2months old, in the bucket!

Daisy

Very quick update, Daisy Kathryn Grace Dewar born 25 May 2009 at 1.22am. Weighing in at 4.86kgs (10lb 11oz) and 61cm tall.
Everyone doing well, we are besotted with our gorgeous girl.

39 weeks

Ive deliberately left the lights low so you can't see the rash and stretchies and veins all over my tummy!

38+ Weeks.

I've been chopping and changing which due date I go by, but with either one I am now well and truly full term. This baby could come anytime from now on. (In theory. I woke up with a nasty feeling she's going to be REALLY late)
I'm feeling very tired and heavy, baby is now 4/5 engaged and boy can I tell! up to pee every night a minimum of 4 times, and lots of pressure whenever I stand up. She's in a good position which I'm really happy about.
A friend from antenatal class who was due on the same day as me has just had her baby! We were all convinced she'd be overdue and I'd be early, but looks like it could be the other way round.
I have been reduced to wearing track or yoga pants, and NONE of my tops fit, not even the big maternity ones. I want to buy some Mens XXL clothes but can't be bothered going shopping.
Here's the photo, Its not very good. I think I had just finished trying to pull my top down over my belly.

Easter Weekend etc

Mum and Dad came down, and we went to Akaroa for a day. I managed a bit of walking, and a full 18 holes of Mini Golf. Unfortunately this meant for the next few days my back was aching. A trip to the osteopath, combined with bubba dropping down to 2/5 engaged has meant that my back has been a whole lot better recently - Thank goodness!
We've got the birth box all ready to go (well, boxe's plural - couldn't fit it all into one), with all the bits and pieces needed for our homebirth. I've split the stuff into 2 boxes, one for during labour, and one for after bubs comes. I figure if we need to transfer to the hospital we can just chuck the 2nd box in the car, to save the hassle of packing a hospital bag.
Getting really excited about everything thats going to happen in the next month or so!




The walk to Onawe Pa on Banks Peninsula. Awesome coloured rocks!

34 weeks.

I look so much bigger in photo's than in the mirror! Now I see why people keep asking me if I'm due any day.
Been feeling overall pretty good, obviously all the usual preggy things like sore back and hips, shortness of breath, heartburn etc but nothing I can't handle!
Got a yucky headcold too, but seriously, it would take more than that to get me down - I've been feeling lots of happiness and excitement about meeting this little one. I love being pregnant!

Look what I can do!

Its my own built-in table. (nb check out how fat my face is getting.. although I did have a mouthful of toast I was trying to conceal..)

32 weeks

We had a great time in Blenheim at the weekend. Here you can see Phil getting some practice in, holding our nephew Joe (4.5mths old).


We came back with a car full of baby stuff! A chest of drawers for baby's room which Mum and Dad had spare, LOTS of clothes and knitting from various family members, a capsule carseat from Frank and Em which Joe has just grown out of, an awesome quilt that Mum made (will take a photo of it later to show you) and some of the old fashioned smocked dresses that I used to wear, including this gorgeous one:


We've been so spoiled, its seriously amazing how much people have given or lent us.
We have decided we can't afford professional preggy pics, nice as it would have been, plus my belly is getting past the 'nice' stage and onto the huge, veiny, stretchmarked stage, which makes me a bit more self conscious.
Phil tried to take a couple of nice ones last night though: here are a few (scuse the bare belly)




I'm not thrilled with how the pictures turned out but they're a bit better than the poor quality ones we've been taking inside in front of the hallway door. And at least they were free!

30 Weeks

We've now finished antenatal classes, found them really good, very informative and I think it made everything more 'real' for Phil cos he's been even more excited about bubs since then. Met some nice couples and will hopefully stay in contact and continue meeting.
All is going well with bub, another uneventful midwife appointment with everything normal and going well. I'm having a bit of back pain and fatigue from carrying round the extra weight, but overall feeling healthy and happy :). We are off to Blenheim this weekend and I'm really looking forward to catching up with the family.

Here's the 30 weeks pic. I keep meaning to get some nicer photo's - ie in the garden, nice poses etc but haven't got around to it yet. We were going to get some professional preggy portraits but they turned out to be too expensive.

Updates

We had a midwife appointment a couple of days after this picture was taken. Bubs is measuring at 30weeks (2 weeks ahead) so that would explain why my puku is drawing so many comments! Apparently its no big deal to be measuring a few weeks ahead or behind at this stage. Everything is going well though, all tests were fine, as they have always been througout this pregnancy so far. Bubs is in a head down postition and we're hoping she stays that way. I'm so glad everything is normal and healthy - being fit and healthy throughout the pregnancy will give us a better chance of acheiving the homebirth we would ideally like.
Antenatal classes start this weekend, we are both looking forward to them, and hopefully meeting other like-minded parents-to-be.

28 Week Photo

Feeling good!




Front on:
Believe it or not I wasn't posing like this! I was in the middle of telling Phil something (probably how to take the photo!) and he snapped it.

26 week photo

This was taken a week ago - I'm now 27 weeks which according to some websites is the beginning of the third trimester!
I've been getting a lot of comments from workmates, strangers, acquaintances etc about how big I am for only being 6ish months pregnant. This is making me feel a bit self conscious about my bump, and I feel embarrassed telling people I'm not due until May. Here's hoping that now I'm supposedly in my 3rd trimester I'm 'allowed' to look big, and some of these comments will stop!

A few photo's from the wedding..

..Especially for you Helen! I don't have access to the official photo's but have seen them - they are stunning! These are just a few that my Dad took on the day.
Doesn't my Mum look young in this one?? she could easily pass for 10 years younger than her actual age, would would mean she had me as a teenager - how scandalous!

And this is the happy couple with their gorgeous daughter (who is our God-daughter)

Reality Check, and the arrival of Suzie

Wow - only 15 ish weeks to go and this baby will no longer be in my belly, but out there in the big wide world. That doesn't really seem like much time to me, and its made me all frenzied to get everything ready (is this nesting??).

This wee reality check was possibly bought on by visiting our friends Cendrine and Ben and their new (less than 24hrs old when we visited!) baby Suzie. Congratulations - she's a gorgeous wee girl, so contented and calm looking.

It was strange holding her and realising I'd be doing the same in a few months except the baby girl will be mine!